Everyone has experienced it; the common cold. And, most people will say that their cold is anything but common.
This cold that I have is a monster. And I don’t care if other people have the same cold, mine is worse. Yes, it IS a competition.
I have stages of a cold similar to The stages of dying. First stage is denial. I am not sick. I can be walking around with red puffy slits for eyes, sneezing and full of mucus; but I am NOT sick. As a result, I end up infecting everyone who crosses my path. You’re welcome.
Second comes “shit, I’m sick”. This stage consists largely of whining. I also like to be petted, waited on and kissed on my forehead. Again, lots of infection going on in this stage too. I like to share the love.
Next is the “I’m dead” phase, also known as hibernation. This is the most dangerous phase for me because it is in this phase that I let my darling husband medicate me. And I should learn after 17 years of marriage, but I don’t. In this stage, I just don’t give a shit. So he gets home from work and gives me a handful of over the counter medication and I take it. Usually his cocktail is NyQuil, fake NyQuil, musinex, and maybe a benedryl. I take it like it is nectar from heaven. Now I am a walking zombie. And not even a good zombie. Good zombies care about brains. I’m a bad zombie because not only do I not care about brains, I don’t care about anyone. I don’t care if the dog needs to be let out, kids needing to be fed, laundry (ok, truth time, I never care about laundry). I care about nothing but laying in a prone position with very comfy pillows. I don’t even care about television.
Finally, I find myself in the apologetic stage. Here I apologize profusely for being sick, being whiny, and need constant reassurance that no one is angry at me for being sick. It is here where I refuse to take my Darling Husband’s ‘cold cocktail’ and start doing a few things for myself. My humanness is starting to return.
When all is well with my health again, I notice those I love around me being sick. Do I treat them the way I like to be treated? Hell no. They have a cold. Cold’s do not kill you, so get up and go to school/do the dishes/ or do your homework.